Things I Wish People With Good Hearing Knew About Hearing Loss

I've had this conversation in my head a thousand times. Standing in a group of friends, watching their lips move, catching maybe half of what's being said, and thinking: I wish you knew what this is like for me right now.

At about 50 dB of hearing loss in both ears, my world sounds different from yours. And I don't mean quieter. I mean fuzzier, mushier, and full of gaps. There are so many things I wish people with good hearing understood, not because I want sympathy, but because a little awareness could change everything.

So here it is. The stuff I've been wanting to say out loud for years.

It's Not That I Can't Hear You. It's That I Can't Understand You.

This is the big one. The number one misunderstanding about hearing loss. People think it's a volume problem. Like if you just talk louder, I'll get it. But that's not how it works for most of us.

Hearing loss, especially the kind I have, distorts sound. Consonants disappear. Words blend together. "Can you pass the salt" and "Can you pass the sauce" sound exactly the same to me. It's not about loud or soft. It's about clarity.

The National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders (NIDCD) explains that sensorineural hearing loss, the most common type, affects the inner ear's ability to process sound signals. That means the sound reaches my ear, but my brain gets a scrambled version of it.

So when you shout at me and I still look confused? That's why. Shouting just makes the garble louder.

What actually helps? Face me when you talk. Slow down just a little. And if I ask you to repeat yourself, please don't say "never mind." That one word, "never mind," honestly stings more than you'd think.

Listening Is Exhausting for Me. Literally.

There's a term for this: listening fatigue. And it's real. When your brain has to work overtime to fill in the gaps of every single sentence, it gets tired. Fast.

By the end of a long day of meetings, dinners, or even just running errands, I'm drained. Not sleepy. Drained. My brain has been doing double duty all day, trying to piece together conversations like a puzzle with missing pieces.

Research from Johns Hopkins Medicine has shown that untreated hearing loss is linked to cognitive decline and even dementia, partly because of this constant mental strain. The brain is working so hard just to hear that it pulls resources away from other things like memory and processing. If you want to learn more about that connection, I wrote about it on our hearing loss and dementia page.

I wish people knew that when I say I'm tired after a party, I'm not being antisocial. I'm recovering.

Background Noise Is My Enemy

Restaurants. Bars. Coffee shops. Holiday gatherings with music playing and kids running around. These are the places where I struggle the most.

People with typical hearing have an incredible ability to filter out background noise and focus on the voice in front of them. My ears can't do that nearly as well. Everything comes in at the same level. The clinking glasses, the table next to us, the music, your voice. It all competes for my attention equally.

I've lost count of the times I've sat at a restaurant pretending to follow a conversation. Nodding. Smiling. Hoping nobody asks me a direct question about something that was just said. It's lonely sitting right next to someone and still feeling completely left out.

Here's a tip that makes a huge difference: sit in a booth instead of an open table. Choose the quieter corner. And if I pull out my phone and open live captions, I'm not being rude. I'm trying to stay in the conversation with you.

I'm Not Ignoring You

If I walk right past you in the hallway without saying hi, I didn't hear you. If I don't laugh at the joke, I didn't catch it. If I respond with something that doesn't quite make sense, I probably misheard the question.

None of that is personal. None of it means I don't care.

According to the World Health Organization, over 1.5 billion people worldwide live with some degree of hearing loss. By 2050, that number could rise to 2.5 billion. That's a lot of people who might be "ignoring" you at the grocery store.

The truth is, we're paying more attention than anyone. We're reading your lips, watching your body language, using context clues, and scanning your facial expressions just to keep up. We're working harder to listen than most people ever will.

Small Things Make a Huge Difference

I don't need the world to change overnight. But a few small adjustments from the people around me would mean everything.

• Face me when you talk. I rely on lip reading more than you'd guess.

• Don't cover your mouth. Hands, menus, scarves. They all block the visual cues I need.

• Rephrase instead of repeating. If I didn't catch it the first time, saying the exact same words the exact same way probably won't help. Try different words.

• Get my attention first. Say my name or tap my shoulder before launching into a sentence. Otherwise I miss the beginning and spend the rest trying to catch up.

• Be patient. I know it's frustrating to repeat yourself. But imagine how frustrating it is to always be the one asking.

These aren't big asks. But they change everything for someone like me.

I Built Something Because I Needed It

Part of the reason I created Hearing Buddy was because I was tired of feeling like I was on the outside of every conversation. I wanted something that could help me in the moment, right when I needed it. Not a bulky device. Not a clinical experience. Just a simple tool on my phone that gives me real-time captions so I can follow along.

If you're not sure where your hearing stands, our free online hearing test takes just a few minutes and can give you a starting point. It's not a replacement for seeing an audiologist, but it's a great first step.

And if you have good hearing and you've read this far? Thank you. Genuinely. The fact that you want to understand means more than you know. Share this with someone who might need to hear it, whether that's someone with hearing loss who needs to feel seen, or someone with perfect hearing who could use a little perspective.

We're not asking for pity. We're asking to be included. And that starts with understanding.

Stay in the conversation,
Lilly

Try These Free Tools

• Live Captions (Speech-to-Text) — Real-time captions on your phone for conversations, meetings, and more.

• Free Online Hearing Test — Check your hearing in just a few minutes from home.

• Audiogram Explained — Understand what your hearing test results actually mean in plain language.