Pretending to Hear: Why We Fake It and How to Stop

The Smile and Nod: Yeah, I Do It Too

Let me just be honest. I pretend to hear things all the time.

Someone says something to me in a crowded room, and instead of asking them to repeat it for the third time, I just... smile. Nod. Maybe throw in a little laugh if their tone sounds like they said something funny. And then I silently hope they didn't just ask me a question.

Sound familiar?

If you've ever faked your way through a conversation, I want you to know something. You are not alone. And you're definitely not weird for doing it. At about 50 dB of hearing loss in both ears, this is something I deal with every single day. It's practically a survival skill at this point.

But here's the thing I've learned the hard way. Pretending comes with a cost. And we deserve better than just getting by.

Why We Pretend

There are so many reasons we do it, and most of them make complete sense.

We Don't Want to Be a Burden

This is the big one for me. I hate the feeling of slowing a conversation down. When everyone is chatting and laughing and having a great time, the last thing I want to do is interrupt and say, "Wait, can you say that again?" It feels like I'm putting a spotlight on myself. Like I'm the problem.

I know that's not true. But the feeling is real.

We're Tired of Repeating Ourselves... About Repeating

There's something uniquely exhausting about having to explain your hearing loss over and over. Especially to people who forget. Or people who say "never mind, it wasn't important" after you ask them to repeat something. That one stings every time.

We Just Want to Feel Normal

Sometimes pretending is about protecting ourselves. If I act like I heard everything, then for that moment, I get to feel like everyone else. No awkward pauses. No confused looks. Just... normal.

According to the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders (NIDCD), about 15% of American adults report some degree of hearing trouble. That's nearly 40 million people. A lot of us are out there pretending. A lot of us are smiling through conversations we can't fully follow.

What Pretending Actually Costs Us

I'm not going to shame anyone for doing this. I still do it sometimes. But I also want to be real about what happens when pretending becomes our default.

It's Isolating

This is the ironic part. We pretend so we can stay included in the conversation. But over time, faking it actually pulls us further away. We stop engaging. We stop sharing. We become the quiet one in the group, not because we have nothing to say, but because we're so focused on just trying to keep up.

I've been there. Sitting at a dinner table, nodding along, hoping nobody asks me a follow-up question about what was just said. That's not connection. That's performance.

It's Exhausting

Listening fatigue is real. When you have hearing loss, your brain is working overtime to fill in the gaps, reading lips, interpreting context clues, guessing at words. Add the mental energy of pretending on top of that? By the end of the day, I'm completely drained. Research from Johns Hopkins Medicine has even linked untreated hearing loss to increased cognitive load, fatigue, and a higher risk of cognitive decline over time.

It Can Hurt Relationships

When we constantly pretend, the people closest to us might not realize how much we're struggling. They might think we're distant or disinterested. Or worse, a misunderstanding happens because we agreed to something we didn't actually hear. I've accidentally committed to plans I knew nothing about more than once. It would be funny if it weren't so frustrating.

If you're curious about how your hearing might be affecting your daily life, our free online hearing test is a great place to start getting some answers.

How to Start Being Honest (Without It Feeling Awful)

I'm not going to sit here and tell you to just "stop pretending." It's not that simple. But I can share a few things that have genuinely helped me start being more open about my hearing loss.

Pick One Person to Be Honest With

You don't have to announce it to the whole room. Start small. Tell one friend. Tell them what helps, like facing you when they talk, or texting you the details instead of shouting them across the kitchen. Most people want to help. They just don't know how.

Use Tools That Give You Backup

This is honestly a huge part of why I built Hearing Buddy. I wanted something on my phone that could catch what I missed in real time. Our live captions tool does exactly that. You open it, set your phone nearby, and it shows you the words as people speak. No one even needs to know you're using it. It's like a safety net for conversations.

Practice Small, Honest Phrases

I've gotten comfortable with a few go-to lines that feel natural to me:

• "I have hearing loss, so could you face me when you talk? It really helps."

• "I missed that last part. Can you say it one more time?"

• "It's a little loud in here for me. Can we move somewhere quieter?"

They feel awkward at first. But every time I say one of them, I feel a little lighter. A little more like myself.

Remind Yourself: Asking for Help Is Not Weakness

This one took me a long time. I used to think that admitting I couldn't hear was the same as admitting I was broken. It's not. My hearing loss is part of who I am. Asking for what I need doesn't make me less capable. It makes me honest. And honestly? It usually makes the conversation better for everyone.

You Deserve to Actually Be in the Conversation

If you've been pretending, I get it. I really do. There's no judgment here. But I also want you to know that you deserve more than just getting through conversations. You deserve to actually be part of them.

It starts with small steps. A little honesty. The right tools. And knowing that there are millions of us out here who understand exactly what you're going through.

If you're looking for a little extra help staying in conversations, Hearing Buddy gives you real-time captions right on your phone. It's free, it's private, and I built it because I needed it myself. Everyone deserves to be part of the conversation. Including us.

Stay in the conversation,
Lilly

Try These Free Tools

• Live Captions (Speech-to-Text) — Real-time captions on your phone so you never have to fake it through a conversation again.

• Online Hearing Test — A quick, free way to check your hearing and understand where you stand.

• Hearing Loss & Cognitive Decline — Learn about the connection between untreated hearing loss and brain health.